Repentance and Forgiveness

“Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another” (Ephesians 4:32).

"I think [forgiveness] may be the greatest virtue on earth, and certainly the most needed. ...There is so great a need for repentance and forgiveness. It is the great principle emphasized in all of scripture, both ancient and modern. ...Somehow forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way." 1  

Gordon B. Hinckley 

"The words "I am sorry" are magical but only when filled with action." April Sprague, personal communication.  

Sometimes people do things that hurt us or make us angry.  Sometimes we do those things to others! And sometimes we make mistakes which no one else knows about, except Heavenly Father and Jesus.  

When we hurt others, or break the commandments, we need to repent.  That means we feel sad for our actions or words, we apologize to the person we've offended and to Heavenly Father, we try to fix or repair the damage we've caused, and we try hard not to do it again.  It's important to pray and seek Heavenly Father's help in all of these things, and to ask for His forgiveness.  Here's a great story about repentance and forgiveness:

"One day my brother came into my bedroom and started bugging me. Because I was having a bad day, I started to yell at him. After I yelled, I felt really bad. I knelt beside my bed and asked Heavenly Father to forgive me. After my prayer, I went to my brother and told him I was sorry. 

"I felt good inside after that. I knew it was the Holy Ghost. I have a testimony that Heavenly Father will forgive us if we just ask Him to." (Haley M., age 10, Alberta, Canada, "Asking for Forgiveness," Friend, August 2009.)

To forgive is to let go of hurt or anger we feel toward someone else, and to love them.

Jesus taught, “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matt. 5:44).

Sometimes it's hard to truly forgive someone.  What are some things you can do to help you feel like forgiving others? Because of Jesus Christ, because He suffered for us in the garden Gethsemane and on the cross at Calvary, He knows how to help us truly forgive, and can help us have strength to do so.  

"Pockets Full of Rocks!" is a wonderful poem about forgiving others. 

Here is a challenge for you ("Following Jesus," Friend, May 2013):

• Next time you feel angry, breathe deeply and count to 10 to calm down.
• If someone is mean to you, try to say something nice back.
• When a friend or sibling does something you don't like, forgive them instead of getting upset.

If you are filling the wall with hearts, write or draw a picture on a heart each time you repent or forgive someone.  How many hearts have you made so far? Send me a photo of the things you're doing!

"The Big Brother Trap" and "Can't We Be Friends?" and one about Joseph Smith, "Making Peace With His Enemies" are all great stories in the Friend magazine about forgiveness.  

Sometimes we break Heavenly Father's commandments.  Because of Jesus Christ, because He suffered for us in the garden Gethsemane and on the cross at Calvary, we can be forgiven for any wrong choice we make, and can help us have strength to do so. Here is a video about a boy who repented after disobeying his parents.  

And here is a story about one of our apostles learning to repent when he was a boy: "How Can Repenting Help Me Feel Happy?" Dale G. Renlund in the Friend

See link section for links to more resources.  
 1. Gordon B. Hinckley, "Forgiveness," Ensign, November, 2005.

From  (Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamations, Principles, Research Perspectives Edited by Alan J. Hawkins David C. Dollahite Thomas W. Draper):

A "successful apology includes several parts: (a) an accurate acknowledgment of the offense; (b) an appropriate expression of regret, remorse, or sorrow; (c) a suitable offer of repayment or restitution; and (d) a pledge for behavior reform to ensure that the offense is not repeated." (Lazare, A. (2004), p 204)

"For victims, forgiveness means being released from anger and developing empathy for the offender (Gordon, Hughes, Tomcik, Dixon, & Litzinger, 2009). This implies a change of heart and a change in expectations—there will be no later recriminations or paybacks (Walton, 2005). Being able to say “I forgive you” means that the feeling of injury no longer supports resentment, though the definition of forgiveness does not specify how the injured person arrives at this change of heart. ...

"Genuine forgiveness is a process, not a product. It is hard work and it takes time." (p 205)