Families Working Together
“We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together.”
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf “Of Things That Matter Most,” Ensign, Nov. 2010, 21.
“The home is the great laboratory of love. There the raw chemicals
of selfishness and greed are melded in the crucible of cooperation
to yield compassionate concern and love one for another”
Elder Russell M. Nelson: (1999, p. 40)
In the Proclamation we are taught that family members learn to love each other more when they work together! In fact, Heavenly Father wants us to work together. Ask anyone who grew up in the Baker family about the time we put the sod down in our yard in Alpine. What do they remember about that experience? I remember it was hard work and took a long time! But I have great memories of doing that together.
Another favorite memory is of my dad and I working in the yard. When I was about 12 Grandpa (my dad) asked me to help him create a wood edge for our vegetable garden. I remember working outside with my dad, and really loving that time with him. I think that's one reason I love working out in the yard.
Here is a great story about one girl who was tired of helping her little sisters:
Clean-up Claire
All things work together for good to them that love God (Romans 8:28).
Claire stomped her foot and glared at her closed bedroom door. Then she collapsed on her bed in tears. It was so unfair! Claire had two younger sisters and one younger brother. All she ever did was clean up after them! At least that’s what she had told Dad five minutes ago.
Claire had been reading a book, her favorite thing to do. Danielle was at the kitchen table making an art project. Liberty was playing with her blocks and dolls, and Hyrum was playing with his farm set.
“Guess what?” Mom said as she walked into the room. “Dad checked out a fun video at the library. Please clean up quickly so there will be time to eat dinner and watch the video before bedtime,” Mom said. “Claire, please help Hyrum clean up his farm set.”
As Claire set her book down, she heard her sisters complaining. Danielle said she wasn’t done with her art project and Liberty said she was too little to clean up her toys. Claire smiled. Liberty always said she was too little when she was asked to do something.
“I have to clean up Hyrum’s toys and I’m not complaining,” Claire thought. She scooped little farm animals into the toy barn and then put the barn on the shelf in Hyrum’s room. Then she went back to the couch and opened her book.
Dad came into the room. “Claire, could you please help Liberty clean up the blocks and dolls?” he asked. “Mom and I will be busy making dinner.”
“But I didn’t play with them, Dad,” Claire said. “Mom said we needed to clean up what we were playing with. I already cleaned up Hyrum’s mess.”
“Claire, we need to work together or we won’t have time to finish the video before bedtime,” Dad said. “Please go help Liberty.”
Claire was upset. She saw all of the blocks scattered throughout the family room. They had been made into little houses for Liberty’s dolls and stuffed animals. What a mess! She stomped her foot. “All I ever do is clean up after little kids!” she said.
“Let’s go to your room,” Dad said. He walked with Claire to her room. When they got there he said, “I know you’ve already cleaned. But we are a family and we work together. We all want to watch the video, so we all need to help. Danielle is cleaning up her art project, and Mom and I are making dinner. Liberty made a big mess but she’s only three. She needs help. Can you please be more willing to help?”
Now Claire lay on her bed crying. She felt awful inside. Did her parents think she was a maid? Maybe they should call her “Clean-up Claire.” Claire felt like a dark cloud was hanging over her head. She felt angry and alone. She took a deep breath. “I’ve got to stop feeling like this,” she thought. “What can I do to feel better?”
She knew what would make her feel better. She wiped the tears out of her eyes and knelt by the side of her bed. “Heavenly Father,” she prayed, “I’m sorry for the way I’ve acted. I’m sorry that I didn’t obey and that I complained to my parents. Please help me to feel better. Please help me feel the Spirit.”
As she said those words, the dark feelings left her. She felt warm and peaceful. She stayed on her knees and enjoyed the good feelings in her heart. Then she stood up. “This won’t be so bad,” she thought. She opened her door and quickly found the bucket that the blocks went in. She scooped them up as quickly as she could. “Liberty,” she called, “come and help me put these dolls and stuffed animals away.”
“I can’t help,” Liberty said as she walked into the room. “I’m too little.”
Claire smiled at her. “No, you’re not,” Claire said kindly. “Come on, I’ll help you.” Together the girls picked up the family room. Then Claire went into the kitchen where Mom and Dad were setting the table.
“I’m sorry I complained,” Claire said.
Mom and Dad smiled at her. “Thank you, Claire,” Dad said.
As the family gathered around the table, Mom said, “I never realized how much effect one person can have on the feeling we have in our home. A little while ago, it didn’t seem like the Spirit was here. But now, I know that it is. Thank you for doing your work happily, Claire.”
Claire smiled. She knew she had helped her whole family.
Have you ever done a MadLib? Here's a fun one to try together:
Fill in the green words with your own word(s) before reading the story:
Noun: person, place, or thing (like “chair” or “camel”)
Adjective: a descriptive word (like “fuzzy” or “purple”)
Verb: an action word (like “run” or “dance”)
Chore time got you down? Don’t worry! With a few tips, you can finish them in only (length
of time). Let’s start with (verb ending in -ing) your bed. First, use some (plural noun) to help
tuck in your sheets nice and (adjective). Then (verb) up your blankets and (verb) down your
pillow. Next comes the rest of your room. Use a (noun) to quickly gather up everything
that’s on the floor, then (verb) quickly while yelling (a silly word) at the pile you just made.
With any luck, all your (plural noun) will now be right where they belong. For the rest of your
chores, remember this: (1) A (noun) works twice as fast as a (noun) to clean the floor. (2)
(verb ending in -ing) the dishes is better than actually washing them. (3) Putting (plural
noun) under your shoes makes (verb ending in -ing) out the trash a snap. And (4) (verb
ending in -ing) the toys where they belong will never be hard again once you start using
a(n) (adjective) (noun) to help you out!
Find a great printable of MadLib here. Funstuff, "Friend," August 2019.
Make some Hello Dolly Bars together:
Gluten Free, Nut Free Hello Dolly Bars
recipe from Knowgluten
Prep Time 5 minutes
Cook Time 25 minutes
Total Time 30 minutes
Ingredients
- 1 1/2 cups gluten free nut free cookie crumbs
- 1/2 cup softened butter
- 1 1/2 cup chocolate chips
- 1 1/2 cup shredded coconut
- 1 can 15oz can sweetened condensed milk
Instructions
- Combine crumbs and butter.
- Press mixture into the bottom of a parchment lined 8x8" square or 9" round cake pan to form a crust.
- Sprinkle crust evenly with chocolate chips.
- Sprinkle coconut evenly over chocolate chips.
- Pour sweetened condensed milk evenly over coconut.
- DO NOT STIR.
- Place pan in oven at 400F and bake for 20-30 minutes until the top is lightly browned.
- Let cool completely and refrigerate to firm up before cutting.
Here are some other great stories and videos about families working together:
"The Fence"
"One Big Experiment - Happy Families"
This is really more about serving others, but I'll include it in this post:
When I was little I joined Brownie Scouts, which is part of Girl Scouts of America. My mom (Gram) was the Brownie Scout troop leader. When I got my Brownie Scout Handbook, I found a story inside that had a great influence on me: It's called The Brownies. I hope you'll read it. After I read it I found great joy in doing kind things for my family without them knowing - sometimes I would leave baked cookies on a plate on a brother's bed, sometimes I would sneak into the kitchen and wash the dishes when no one else was around to see. When my brother or my mom saw what was done they were so happy! And that made me happy. Maybe you can get a brother or sister to help you do kind things for your family.
A page inside my Brownie Scout book.
Here is my Brownie Scout troop.
Can you find Gram? Can you find me?
So many notes from my textbook, even after whittling them down -
but they are so insightful.
"Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives," Edited by Alan J. Hawkins David C. Dollahite Thomas W. Draper. 2016.
Parents and children, participating together in family work, plant seeds of Zion where “every man [seeks] the interest of his neighbor and [does] all things with an eye single to the glory of God” (D&C 82:19) p 220
..."we consider chores that require little mental effort mind-less. But from a spiritual perspective, work done with a minimum of concentration leaves our minds free to focus on one another as we labor. Unlike play, which often involves significant mental activity, sharing an everyday task can dissolve feelings of hierarchy, inviting light-hearted or intimate conversation that binds us together." p 215
"Menial tasks, however, allow small children to make meaningful contributions as they fold laundry, wash walls, or sort silverware with sufficient skill to feel value as part of the family. Since daily tasks range from the simple (chopping, folding, scrubbing) to the complex (priori-tizing, organizing, training others), participants at every level can feel competent yet challenged, including par-ents with the overall responsibility for coordinating tasks, people, and projects into a cooperative, working whole." p 215
"Fathers’ actions influence their children’s attitudes toward family work. A father who assumes responsibility for a single significant daily task, such as washing dishes, and actively gathers his children to help him, is a powerful example of partnership and service within his home."p. 222
"Yet even stressful interaction, annoying in the short term, can gradually stimulate growth and build relationships. We observed a 12-year-old boy, asked to watch the baby while father and sisters weeded the garden, protest, argue, tease his sisters, and whine about the baby’s runny nose. Yet, when left to care for her, he lovingly wiped her face and sang to her." p 215
"Canadian scholars who compared children who do “self-care tasks” (making own beds, cleaning own messes) with children who participate in “family-care tasks” (setting the table, washing family dishes, folding family laundry) found “an overall pattern of results suggesting that beneficial effects of household work occur . . . when that work involves assistance to others, when it is required on a routine or self-regulating basis, and when the outcome variable is concern for others revealed in the family context” (Grusec, Goodnow, & Cohen, 1996, p. 1006). In other words, children learn to care for others by doing work that helps them think about others." p. 221
"Family work provides endless opportunities to recognize and fill others’ needs. It thus teaches us to love and serve one another, inviting us to be like Jesus Christ." pg 213
"Interestingly, among the families we interviewed, those who felt most successful were parents who had learned to enjoy family work. They did not waste energy complaining about the workload, wishing it would go away, or punishing children for less than adequate performance." p 221
"Elder Neal A. Maxwell observed, “The divine attributes of love, mercy, patience, submissiveness, meekness, purity . . . cannot be developed in the abstract. These require the clinical experiences. . . . Nor can these attributes be developed in a hurry” (1998, p. 7). Family work can become the clinical experience that over time shapes us toward divinity." p 213
"Literary critic Gary Saul Morson chose the term prosaics to describe “a way of thinking about human events that focuses on the ordinary, messy, quotidian facts of daily life” (1988, p. 516). He observed that “grand drama and ecstatic moments do not make a life good. Life is an everyday affair, and the sum total of unremarkable, daily happenings defines its quality. . . . Many can perform heroic actions in the sight of all, but few possess the courage to do small things right without recognition” (2007, pp. 28–29)." p 214
"A common notion in Western culture, ... is that an ideal life is work-free. This idea directly conflicts with central gospel themes." p. 214
"Sociologists Scott Coltrane and Michele Adams found that school-aged children who do chores with their fathers are more likely to get along with their peers and have more friends, and they are less likely to disobey teachers, make trouble at school, or be depressed or withdrawn." p. 223
President Henry B. Eyring has promised that if we seek opportunities to work in behalf of others, “the Atonement working in our lives will produce in us the love and tenderness we need” (Eyring, 1986, p. 75). p 220 "I promise you that if you’ll use your gifts to serve someone else, you’ll feel the Lord’s love for that person" (Eyring, 1997, pp. 87–88).
"Daily rituals of cooking, packing lunches, washing dishes, making beds, folding laundry, weeding gardens, sweeping floors, and countless other prosaic tasks are the invisible glue that can bind families together. Instead of asking how to make such work go away, parents should ask how to use it to increase love and joy in their families." p. 223
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